Saturday, March 24, 2012

Missing my best friend

I miss James so much. I miss having my best friend here with me all the time. I miss him so much and can not wait until I am back in his arms again.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I want to run away

So today has been a pretty hard day. It just seemed like the kids did not want to do a thing I asked, I had to fight with them to pick up their toys, Zoe kept squealing really loud, and then she broke my new warmer top which I got last Wednesday so haven't even had it for a week. 
I think with just so much going on, it has just been building and building. And with the kids acting like this it just makes me miss him even more.
I think I just need to get away for a couple hours, kid free, and relax. I have not been without the kids in months. I have barely been out of the house except to go to physical therapy and errands here and there. Really looking forward to next month going home and just taking a couple hours to myself while the kids are with my parents. I think I will be getting a medi and pedi and just relax. I love the kids to death but I just need a little break.
What I really need is just to have my husband home with me again, I miss him so much. I wanted to be able to call him and talk to him so bad today but I can't. I have to wait for him to call me when he is able to. The only thing that keeps me going sometimes is just picturing homecoming day, that first kiss in so long, that first hug.
And I aint going to lie, I miss just having someone else to talk to in the house, talking to kids all day every can start to drive you crazy. I feel bad because people probably think I am crazy and talk way to much because when I am around adults, I just start talking and can't stop. I think that has to do with the fact that I know that as soon as I leave, it is back to hearing nothing but the kids. It's sad, I love my daddy so much and I am used to calling him once a day but I have caught myself calling my daddy two, three, even four times a day just to have someone to talk to and to hear someone elses voice.

Monday, March 12, 2012

MIA

So alot has gone on since my last post. My wonderful husband deployed, I lost a good friend to suicide, my baby sister almost died, so much has happened since he left. Since he left we have been taking it day by day, some days are better than other. Today has been one of the other days. Today has been hard, some days like today it seems like everything piles up. The kids weren't listening, Zoe got into my makeup once again and come downstairs while I was doing dishes, with mascara all over her arms and legs. It was like everything today just made me cry. It was a hard day. I am just missing him so much tonight. I want to talk to him, I want to hear his voice, I just want him home. I try to keep the kids in good spirits but it is really hard sometimes, I hate seeing our kids suffer like they are. I hate hearing Zoe come up to me in tear telling me that she misses daddy, and to see Cory have held it together so long and to just break down. The things that most people take for granted are the things that I miss the most. Just to be able to lay next to my husband at night and to be able to have his arms wrapped around me. To be able to text him or pick up my phone and call him through out the day. I miss just driving down the road and holding his hand while I drive. I miss everything about him, I miss my best friend. I feel like part of me is missing, I worry about him all the time. I have problems sleeping and problems eating, I just don't have an appetite. I just miss him so much. I want him home down. Everything reminds me of him. I can't wait until the day comes when I am running back into his arms and to feel his arms wrapped around me tight and to see the kids really happy again. 

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Family


I am so happy James is home, but knowing that he will be leaving very soon breaks my heart. Now that he is on leave, I am enjoying every minute I can with him. I love just laying around on the couch with him either watching tv or watching him play xbox lol. As long as I am with him, I am happy. There are a lot of things going on right now that I am trying not to get too stressed out, which isnt working out to well. I have stressed so much that this past week I have gotten sick because of it. So for now I am trying to spend as much time as I can with James and the kids. They are my world.

Btw I had another baby rattlesnake on the sidewalk in front of my house, ugh. Two in two weeks, still haven't let the kids play outside because of it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Scared to death

So this past week has been a little crazy. Kids were driving me up the wall. Zoe has gotten worse, I don't know if it has to do with my mother in law or the fact that she is missing daddy so much. Also on Friday I found a baby rattlesnake on my front step. Zoe had ran outside to the front yard/park and I went to bring her back inside. I didn't even think to put my shoes on since it was right there. I was coming back inside holding Zoe's hand. I went to step up and something told me to look down. I looked down and right up against the step was the baby rattlesnake.I flew backwards so far I almost tripped Zoe. Called PMO and they sent the game warden out to get it. I can't stop thinking of how Zoe or myself could have easily stepped on it and could have easily died. I am freaked out every time I step out my door now. In my head I'm thinking, well theres one baby, wheres the others and wheres the momma. The park is filled with woodchips and I haven't let Zoe or Cory go out the front door since then. It would be so easy for one to be in the woodchips at the park. I know God was really looking out for us that day because if it would have bit Zoe, I don't believe she would have made it to the ER in time, and that scares the hell out of me. It freaks me out for the fact that James wasn't here and if something would have happened, I would have blamed myself for life because it would have been my fault. I just never want to have to call and tell James that something has happened to one of the kids because I am in charge of them. There is nothing he can do while he is gone and it scares me to death to think that something could happen to them.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Scentsy

Before I decided for sure to become a Scentsy consultant, I only knew one person that sold it. Right before I signed up someone else I knew decided to sign up. I almost decided not to because I didn't know if anyone would buy from me. And I have always been a shy person and I have never been good with talking to random people. But I decided to go on and do it. I am so thankful that I did, I love it. Thank you to all my friends that helped push me to make the decision. I have fell in love with this and I have no plans on stopping. Zoe loves it too lol. Probably a little too much. Yesterday she kept trying to mess with my scentsy stock, well when I wasn't looking, I smelt Pumpkin Marshmallow, it smelled amazing but I knew I wasn't burning it. Well I turned around and she had poured out half a bottle of the room spray. lol She drives me crazy but I love her very much. Sometimes all my Scentsy stuff drives James crazy but lately he has really gotten into it with me, and it makes me so happy. He now wants to smell everything I get in the mail lol, same as Zoe. It makes me so happy that he finally came around because I love it but it wasn't as much fun as it is when he is helping me. I am still getting started and I look forward to continuing it for a very long time.