Scared to death

So this past week has been a little crazy. Kids were driving me up the wall. Zoe has gotten worse, I don't know if it has to do with my mother in law or the fact that she is missing daddy so much. Also on Friday I found a baby rattlesnake on my front step. Zoe had ran outside to the front yard/park and I went to bring her back inside. I didn't even think to put my shoes on since it was right there. I was coming back inside holding Zoe's hand. I went to step up and something told me to look down. I looked down and right up against the step was the baby rattlesnake.I flew backwards so far I almost tripped Zoe. Called PMO and they sent the game warden out to get it. I can't stop thinking of how Zoe or myself could have easily stepped on it and could have easily died. I am freaked out every time I step out my door now. In my head I'm thinking, well theres one baby, wheres the others and wheres the momma. The park is filled with woodchips and I haven't let Zoe or Cory go out the front door since then. It would be so easy for one to be in the woodchips at the park. I know God was really looking out for us that day because if it would have bit Zoe, I don't believe she would have made it to the ER in time, and that scares the hell out of me. It freaks me out for the fact that James wasn't here and if something would have happened, I would have blamed myself for life because it would have been my fault. I just never want to have to call and tell James that something has happened to one of the kids because I am in charge of them. There is nothing he can do while he is gone and it scares me to death to think that something could happen to them.

Scentsy

Before I decided for sure to become a Scentsy consultant, I only knew one person that sold it. Right before I signed up someone else I knew decided to sign up. I almost decided not to because I didn't know if anyone would buy from me. And I have always been a shy person and I have never been good with talking to random people. But I decided to go on and do it. I am so thankful that I did, I love it. Thank you to all my friends that helped push me to make the decision. I have fell in love with this and I have no plans on stopping. Zoe loves it too lol. Probably a little too much. Yesterday she kept trying to mess with my scentsy stock, well when I wasn't looking, I smelt Pumpkin Marshmallow, it smelled amazing but I knew I wasn't burning it. Well I turned around and she had poured out half a bottle of the room spray. lol She drives me crazy but I love her very much. Sometimes all my Scentsy stuff drives James crazy but lately he has really gotten into it with me, and it makes me so happy. He now wants to smell everything I get in the mail lol, same as Zoe. It makes me so happy that he finally came around because I love it but it wasn't as much fun as it is when he is helping me. I am still getting started and I look forward to continuing it for a very long time.

Daddy is a Marine

This is a saying that we got for Cory before James' last deployment and it rings so true for our family.

Daddy is a Marine

My daddy is a Marine

he's often gone away

to some far off country

where he has to stay.

I really miss my daddy

and I'm not sure what he does

except he helps other people

who need him very much.

At night when I say my prayers

I ask to keep daddy safe

so that he can come home to us

and sit in his favourite place.

Some nights I can hear mommy cry

when she thinks I'm asleep

I know she misses daddy

and her sadness hurts real deep.

I know that a day may come

when daddy won't come home

and it scares me even thinking

that we will be alone.

My daddy is a Marine

he's often gone away

And I am so very proud of him

each and every day.

Come home to us daddy

When your job is done

I know that those people needed you

But they aren't the only ones.

Adapted from Daddy is a Soldier by Maria Sutherland



deployment

So I know that this deployment is going to be really hard on all of us. For James it is the first time that he has been away from Zoe for more then a week. It is already taking a toll on both of them. Zoe always seems to get sick the first night that he is gone. Cory and daddy have had their talk about the deployment, Cory was ok but you could tell he wanted to cry, once James told him it was ok to cry and let his feelings out, he broke down and started crying. This deployment is hard on James and myself also for the fact that the last deployment, Cory and I were still back home and we were used to not being able to see James, we only got to see him a weekend a month. It is also hard on us because we are just getting our marriage back and then he has to leave. I don't know if we would have made it back in VA but since moving to CA things have changed between us. Our marriage is better then it has been for years if not better then when we first got married almost 5 years ago. This one is also hard for all of us because this will be Zoe's first birthday, December 22, 2007, without daddy, our first anniversary, December 22, 2006, apart, our first Christmas and all of the other holidays. I used to wonder what it would be like for us if James had a different job, to know that he would always be around. I don't anymore because I know that the sacrifices that we make as a family is for a better cause. I am proud to say that I married a Marine, that he fights for a country that I love very much. Our children know that when daddy leaves he has to help other people. Does it get lonely? Yes we missed him everyday that he is gone, but we know that when he returns it means that our family is whole again. The kids drive me crazy sometimes and it is hard doing it alone, hard not have another parent there to bounce ideas off of, but we do it because we love this country and we want our children to have proud in America where so many people have lost it. I am so proud of him for all he does, for all he has done for me and our children. I love you with all my heart James.

Well last night was a really long night. Didn't go to bed until 8:30 am. Thankfully Zoe just sat in my bed and watched cartoons this morning after I fed her. Last night was bad for me. I was missing James really bad. It's funny because you would think that this was my first deployment. Its my second and his third. And this aint even the deployment yet. ugh. I am grateful to my kids today, they knew momma wasn't feeling well because they were great except for the fact that you can't even tell that I spent all last night/this morning cleaning the house. Zoe gets a kick out of marking the days off the calender every day. She knows that each day she marks off is one day closer. Except the other day she decided to get the dry erase markers and mark off three weeks and she told me, so is daddy coming home now. I wish it was that easy.

Long Nights

As the days are getting longer, the nights are also. Nights are the worse for me, it is when I miss James the most. I keep telling myself that this is only for a month but then I realize that once this month is over then it is that much closer to deployment. So it is 7:30 am and I still haven't been to sleep. It is hard to sleep in our king size bed along, it just feel too empty. So I ended up staying up all night washing clothes. I was washing the last of James' and I was standing there with one of his shirts just smelling it and crying. I knew that they day would come when I would do this, I just expected it to be during the actual deployment and later on, not this soon. It's only been a week.